Get Dirty

You ever think to yourself, Man why is my attitude jacked up? How about, Why don't I trust people? Why do people say I'm mean? I've come to the realization when it comes to set ways of an individual there is a bad root.

When I turned 18 I started going to a Pentecostal Church, and I noticed all the women wore skirts, but for some reason I didn't. It wasn't because of the fact that I didn't agree with the doctrine or because I thought they were ugly, I didn't want to wear a skirt whether how cute, long, or short. It wasn't until I started writing on my first book, when I realized where it all started . Sometimes we don't like to address things in our life especially if its painful, but because I wanted to release myself of anything that can pose a hinderance I addressed what I pushed in the back of my mind. When I was 4 years old in pre-k I met this boy named Courtney (what a coincidence) I knew he liked me but I didn't pay him attention. One day I was on the play ground wearing a skirt outfit my mom got me for picture day.  He walked up to me and shoved his hand up my skirt and put his fingers in my panties. At 4 did I have thoughts of where he learn this or maybe he was abused all I could think of is ths doesn't feel right, it hurt, and get away from me. I CRIED. he eventually ran off, but it left me scared and vulnerable. Skirts symbolized exposure to me, I didn't feel safe or like I had any control. In pants I felt like I had control over the opening I had inbetween my legs. Although we can't change situations and circumstances we do control how we choose to let it control our life. Quit internalizing situations, it may be painful but, address your emotions in that moment and move forward. You don't always have to confide in a friend, family member, counselor sometimes being by yourself can be the best medicine, at that time you can say how you really feel. Get dirty, uproot the dead roots. Replace those dirt holes with beautiful thoughts, aspirations, and dreams. Don't ever give root to the devil and don 't let your emotions become the water to a bad seed. A good tree can't grow unless there are 4 components: a seed, soil, water, and light.

You are the SOIL your dreams/desires/visions are the SEED, our Determination is the WATER, and GOD is our Light.